[Phil]

Couple of real -life jokes:

1. Saturday night Brian and I are playing against LOL and LOM. The auction proceeds (all NV):

LOM: 1♥
Me: pass
LOL: 4♥
Brian 5♦ (on his usual crap)

Now LOM goes into a protracted tank and passes and naturally the lady autos 5♥'s.

I double on ♠J9xx ♥A9xx ♦xx ♣Kxx. He misplays and we get 300 for a top.

Since its the last board of the round, we both get up and get something to drink. The LOL takes the LOM's hand out of the board to look at it.

As we are walking away I told Brian, "She wanted to see if he really had the values for his slow pass".


---------


2. Last night. We are leading by 3 VPs and playing the last round of the Monday night swiss. I'm playing with Harvey and Brian and Mike are our teammates at the other table.

We have an OK set. One hand of mild interest was:

East: ♠KQxxx ♥x ♦AKQxx ♣Kx
West: ♠AJxx ♥KTxxx ♦xxx ♣x.

At our table, we have a vanilla limit raise auction and stop in 5♠, making.

This was the last board of the match at the other table, and the bidding was more, um, animated.

1♠ - 2♥*
3♦ - 4♠**

* - 2/1 GF (WOW)
** - "Fast Arrival"

The strong 5-5 hand RKC's. Should be able to avoid this iceberg, right?

4N - 5♦***

*** - They are playing 1430. So he LIES about the number of aces he holds (because he has grossly misbid his hand already). She should bid 7, thinking he has all three of the aces, but she fields something is wrong and only bids 6. My teammate (also aware of the hitch) doubles out of spite and collects 200.

The 2♥ / 4♠ / 5♦ bidder is a very rotund individual starts going CRAZY and says,

"DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FAST ARRIVAL"?

She storms out of the room and leaves.

My teammate couldn't help himself

"She may not understand fast arrival, but she knows what fast departure means"

[matmat]

shouldn't this be in the laws forums? =)

[vuroth]

Phil, on Aug 25 2009, 09:13 AM, said:

"She may not understand fast arrival, but she knows what fast departure means"

[neilkaz]

This is priceless !!!!!!!!!!

[Fluffy]

can't stop myself laughing

[Phil]

Here's a 3rd and 4th I heard tonight. I wasn't at the table, but I think its priceless.

Two of my friends are Trish and Debbie. At the Las Vegas regional a few years ago, they show up at 7:30 for a 7:00 game. The Director is able to add them into the side game.

The round starts off with some snipes from the NS pair who are a few warthogs but eventually a pass card emerges between grunts:


WH1......Trish....WH2.....Debbie
(pass) - 1♣ - (pass) - 1♠;
(pass) - 2♠ - (.....)

At this point, WH2 asks Debbie, "DO YOU KNOW how many spades your partner HAS???". Debbie says, "four, but sometimes three".

WH2 continues, "WELL, how do you know FOR SURE?"
Debbie, says, "We have a way of finding out".
WH2, "Well, HOW???" (her tone increasing).
Debbie cannot help herself and she says "LIKE THIS(quite loudly)"

"HEY TRISH, HOW MANY SPADES YOU GOT OVER THERE?"

--------------------------------------------

In this same side game they sit down against a few New Yorkers endlessly postmorteming about a hand the prior round. One of them
is nice, and one is extremely obnoxious. The loudmouth will not shut up despite protests from Debbie and the loudmouth's partner
asks the loudmouth to be quiet so they can play the next board.

The auction starts:

Debbie.....Nice Guy.....Trish....Loudmouth
1N.........2♦*.......

*Alerted

Trish inquires about 2♦ and the loudmouth says its alertable but I cannot remember what it is. The Nice Guy suggests for his partner
to leave the table and he'll explain the call to Trish and Debbie.

Debbie says, "Great idea, but does he have to come back?"

[Vampyr]

Phil, on 2012-August-29, 20:31, said:

The round starts off with some snipes from the NS pair who are a few warthogs ...


In this same side game they sit down against a few New Yorkers ...

How many people normally play at the same table in your area?