[H_KARLUK]

Would you like to share the funniest thing you ever experienced while playing live bridge.

Thanks

[the hog]

Stephen Burgess playing with a client against us. He turned his back to the table and threw his cards over his shoulder. When the client asked him why, Burgess said, "So I don't have to look at your f****** ugly face anymore." Mind you, he always ordered wine for the whole table and all the kibitzers but not the client.

[kenrexford]

A friend of mine and I played in a game in Washington DC. We left a table after having made a call or a bid that was a little "off" but that worked, for a top board. When we quickly arrived at the next table (the last table took a while because of the hand), our opponents looked at our convention card and notice a canape-based strong diamond system, and decided to call the director to see if the card was GCC legal (it was). At the same time, the pair we just left called the director to report a psychic (it wasn't). The pair at the table we had not yet reached saw us "still sitting" at the table we were at, thought we were just talking and not moving (the other E-W had wandered off), but could not get our attention, for the obvious reason that we were somewhat ignoring him, distracted by the other two director calls. So, he called for the director also, very upset and yelling at us.

Thus, we ended up with three simultaneous director calls from three different tables, one we just left, one we just reached, and one we had not reached.

My partner and I couldn't stop laughing, which made the table we just left furious, thinking we were laughing at them. It made the table we just reached furious because they thought we were laughing at them for being confused by our card. The man at the other table was furious because he thought we were still laughing and not moving after the round had been called.

So, the three simultaneous director calls erupted into a complete breakdown of civility, all the while my partner and I laughing harded and harder, and infuriating more and more people. Hushes from the other tables made it even better.

When the TD's arrived, in force, we knew this would take a while.

[awm]

My partner was playing a contract and needed to play the following suit position for at most two losers:

---

Obviously this is impossible. But after trying to get a count on the opponents points, she decided (clearly incorrectly) that her LHO was marked with the ♦AK. So she lead a low diamond and called for the queen. Her RHO followed with the jack in tempo (assuming she would make the normal play of finessing the ten).

[kenrexford]

awm, on Sep 9 2009, 10:43 PM, said:

My partner was playing a contract and needed to play the following suit position for at most two losers:

---

Obviously this is impossible. But after trying to get a count on the opponents points, she decided (clearly incorrectly) that her LHO was marked with the ♦AK. So she lead a low diamond and called for the queen. Her RHO followed with the jack in tempo (assuming she would make the normal play of finessing the ten).

Please. Gotta do better than that.

Suit contract. One entry back to dummy; you are on dummy. Dummy has a side suit of KJ109xxx, opposite your void.

So, you do the math. Could try small and ruff, hoping for stiff Ace, or for RHO to pop Ace thinking you have the stiff Queen and are sneaking one by. Could try the King for a smother of the stiff Queen. Decisions, decisions.

Well, "weird begets weird" is a living breathing principle of the game. So, applying this, I called for the 10.

RHO thought for a long while and popped Ace. Ruffed, worked.

Back to dummy. Cash the King.

RHO had the Queen also, allowing the suit to run.

[Trinidad]

In our local bridge club in the USA, we played against a lady who was more than slightly over the average age of ACBL members and her partner.

This lady is dealer, sorts her cards and then, before she has bid anything, she pulls the ♦2 out of her hand and puts it -face up- on the table. The other three players at the table are surprised and I carefully suggest that we call the director.

When the TD arrives and I have told him what happened, he turns to the lady and asks her why she did that. She shows him her hand and exclaims: "If I am not allowed to bid a weak two on this, what am I allowed to bid a weak two on?" Then it became clear that she had meant to bid 2♦.

Rik

[Fluffy]

Well I wasn't at the table this time, but this is what happened.

beginners championship. At these table 4 people on their 20s seated.

1♠-pass-3♠.

The lady who opened alerts the 3♠ bid and explains: its not forcing, just invitational.

Nothing happens in the hand, but when the deal finishes the lady who declarer draws attention to her LHO about the zip open in his pants, and so he answers: its not forcing, just invitational.

[bid_em_up]

In my early days of playing, when I hardly knew who anybody was, we arrived at the table of one of the local pro's. On one of the boards he was declarer and he snuck a trick through via some devious play. When I remarked that he "stole" the trick, he replied "Well, I thought everybody knew that there is a thief at this table." My partner busted up laughing as did his partner, but I had no clue what was so funny.

After the game was over, my partner informed me that the pro had been convicted on embezzlement charges and served jail time because of it!!

[jillybean]

Come on, we can do better than suit positions.

At one of the first tournaments I played in with my husband, we were playing against a male and a rather flamboyant female. At his turn to bid my husband couldn't make up his mind and was reaching out for the bidding box, stopping and repeating this action.
The woman said "oh come on, you can grab anything at the table" when my husband looked at her, she looked back repeated "yes, I mean ANYTHING" !

He didn't but I wish he had, I would have loved to see how the TD would have handled the call. (Bruce?)

[olegru]

Long ago, when my son was a baby and my daughter was 4 years old, we used to play at home: my wife and me against our friends. We even had stakes - losers should buy a cake for the next game.
One day my son started to cry during the game and my wife went to feed him. Because it was boring to sit and wait I asked my daughter Natalie to be my partner. She did not completely master her bridge game yet, but she already learned the main part - how to follow suit and turn cards.
In the first board I had:
♠ A72
♥ 763
♦ 986
♣ Q1052
I open 1♥. Why not? Because my partner did not know names of suits yet I did not expect her to bid anything except pass. I was wrong.

LHO, a very good guy, double and Natalie bid 5♣! It was the last bid my wife made before baby get up and I said something like “very good bid, Partner.” Natalie was here and she learned something new! But what should I do now?
RHO passed, I passed and LHO double again. Did I say he was a very good guy?
Natalie said double too. Sometimes kids learn too fast.
“Did you mean pass or redouble?” asked her LHO. (You see, he was a really good guy).
Sure, Natalie confirm she meant redouble and 5 clubs redoubled became a final contract.

RHO led small club. LHO took Ace, King and continue trumps. As you already know he was a good guy, but not the best bridge player in the world.
Natalie, who gave clubs on the first two rounds, asked where she can buy additional cards if she does not have a suit. I explained that if she has no suit she is free to discard any card and she discard a small diamond.
I took that trick and made the last round of clubs. (I know dummy should not play without command, but insist of that rule was too much even for LHO.) Natalie gave another small diamond. I played the Ace of Spades and Declarer discards the third diamond.
“Natalie, dear, you should follow suit,” said I.
“I have no black cards anymore,” said Natalie by insulted voice. “I have only hearts left.” And she tabled ♥AKQxxxxx.
5 clubs redoubled bid and made on 15 points with 4-2 in trumps.

By the way there are two different words in Russian language for heart as a cards suit and heart as a human’s organ. She used the second one.

[nigel_k]

It's gonna be hard to beat Olegru's story.

[vuroth]

nigel_k, on Sep 10 2009, 03:48 PM, said:

It's gonna be hard to beat Olegru's story.

I agree

[h2osmom]

Shortly after Marshall Miles and Leo Bell had won a world seniors event, I played against them at a local regional. My partner opened 1d. Marshall and Leo bid to 4h. I was a beginner, but my partner had opened, I had 10 hcp and balanced distribution. I doubled. Marshall turned to me and asked, "Do you know my partner and I are both life masters?" He then played the hand and went off 2. At the end of the hand my partner said to me, "Carol! Don't ever do that again! I only preempted!" I said, "No, you opened 1 diamond." She insisted that she had opened a 2 diamond preempt. Marshall said, "No, you opened 1 diamond. I thought it was a good psyche." Of course if Marshall hadn't taken our bidding into consideration on the play, he would have made the bid. But he never said a word about being fixed.

[jillybean]

h2osmom, on Sep 10 2009, 02:43 PM, said:

Marshall turned to me and asked,  "Do you know my partner and I are both life masters?"  .

Shame you couldn't redouble them after that.

[jvage]

This happened on the last board of a Premier League match a couple of years ago. My sceenmates partner had declared 5 boards, going down in all of them, then the bidding went:
Pard RHO Me LHO
1♦ 1♥ 3♦ 3♠
Pass

When the tray returned my screenmate pointed his finger down his score-card and said: "He went down on that, that, that that and that board. The guy just doesn't take any tricks! 3♠ is forcing, but I pass!". My screenmate was Tor Helness, his partner who we could hear laughing on the other side of the screen was Geir Helgemo

In the same match (we actually won!) Tor was declarer, and had xx to AQJx in diamonds in dummy. He had taken a working finesse, and later went into a for him very long tank. Then he repeated the finesse (dummy had no side entries) and claimed his contract when this also worked. One of the many kibitzers was obviously disappointed with her hero and couldn't refrain from asking at this point: "Why did you think for so long?". Tor patiently explained that a good player may have held the K even after the first finesse held. This lead me to another true story, where a very good player actually did hold up his king in a similar position. This match was broadcasted on BBO and the duck was so smooth that the operator didn't even see his card on this trick. She asked so load that the whole tabled could hear her: "Did you win the K?"

[the hog]

"This match was broadcasted on BBO, and the duck was so smooth that the operator didn't even see his card on this trick, and asked so load that the whole tabled heard her: "Did you win the K?""

Ha! Thats the best one yet!

[1eyedjack]

I am sure I shall think of a better one (not as good as the previous posts, mind), but many years ago I was playing in the Portland Pairs, being a national mixed pairs event in the UK, when at the next table there was a piercing shriek from Richard Fleet "DIRECTORRRR!" (followed by, when the director arrived), "Would you please [referring to opps] advise me which of these two gentlemen is the lady?"

[1eyedjack]

I fondly recall a 48 board Gold Cup (UK) match KO round we played many years ago. We shuffled, dealt, played and scored 8 boards at our table, while they did the same at the other. Then we swapped over the boards and yes, you got it ... shuffled, dealt, played and scored them. 16 hands later we appeared to be back at square 1.

[Trinidad]

When I lived in Sweden, I once played half a match against a mixed pair. The play was very friendly, with friendly opponents. They played a very unusual system and we had to ask a lot of questions of the form: "What has she shown now?"

At half time, we were comparing scores with our team mates and told them that on board N, she led a club. The reaction: "She? What she?". Turned out that we had been playing against two MEN.

Rik