[sallyally]

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey,
soccer, or any physical sport?"

"No. I play bridge with my wife."

[EricK]

sallyally, on Jun 11 2007, 07:08 PM, said:

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey,
soccer, or any physical sport?"

"No. I play bridge with my wife."

My father tells a story of when he was playing duplicate bridge back in his university days (so that is 50 or so years ago!). He had just sat down at a new table and accidentally kicked one of his opponents. He turned to him and said "I'm so sorry. I thought you were my partner"

[jtfanclub]

Sorry for the religious reference, but I'm quoting from a book of Jewish Folklore.

Two Jews are are playing bridge. One of them says to the other "I just realized! I left the vault open at the store!" The other says "What's the problem? We're both here, aren't we?"

[chicken]

there is a brilliant collection of stories and anecdotes relatetd to bridge called: "have i got a story for you!" highly recommendable but i am too lazy to type some of them here.

[pclayton]

Idiots's (or insert your favorite group) Mitchell movement.

EW up two tables. NS up one. The boards stay on the table.

I think this works with 13 / 15 /17 tables, oddly enough.

[Fluffy]

You probably all know this one, but just in case.

There were 3 players (Adam, George and Charles) form a usual rubber bridge game at the club, who were so desperate to find a 4th, that they asked John, a guy who always kibitzed them when playing, but never the game before:

John: -I am sorry, but I know nothing regarding bidding

George: -Don't worry, just bid what you have, we will figure out.


So they sit, radomly get their seats and the bidding starts:


John - George - Adam - Charles
4 clubs!* - double! - pass - pass

*: He saw the others always yelled while bidding so John did the same

Without a doubt the bidding continues

John - George - Adam - Charles
4 clubs ! - double! - pass - pass
4 diamds!-double! - pass - pass

Another round (Adam wasn't looking comfortably)

John - George - Adam - Charles
4 clubs ! - double! - pass - pass
4 diamds!-double! - pass - pass
4 hearts!- double! - pass - pass

And Finally

John - George - Adam - Charles
4 clubs ! - double! - pass - pass
4 diamds!-double! - pass - pass
4 hearts!- double! - pass - pass
And the Queen of spades!

[rona_]

This is not exactly a bridge joke, but, almost.....

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First of course he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish immigrant replied. " I KNOW THE GUY"

[Gerben42]

A man has a severe heart attack and is rushed to the hospital emergency room. The admitting nurse says, “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait in line.”
“But I might be dying!” says the man.

“Sorry, a doctor will see you when one is available.”

Then an ambulance races up with its siren blaring, and a woman is carried in on a stretcher. A paramedic explains, “She was in a terrible accident and has just stopped breathing.”

“I’m sorry,” says the nurse, “she’ll have to wait in line.”

Next a guy walks in without assistance, whispers something to the nurse and is taken immediately to the examination room, surrounded by doctors.

“What’s this?” says the first man. “How come he goes right in?”

“Oh,” explains the nurse, “he’s a bridge player and his partner just passed him in a cue-bid.”

************

LIKE IT? This and more jokes at Pavlicek's site:
http://www.rpbridge.net/7z65.htm

[hrothgar]

Have you seen my defense?

[Al_U_Card]

"Take my partner......please."

[jtfanclub]

(I just made this up)

"So, honey, what have you been doing in your room"
"I've been playing bridge, mom"
"Bridge? But I didn't see anybody else go into your room"
"No, mom, I've been playing bridge online on the computer. Let me show you".
----a few minutes pass
"Wow, that's certainly interesting. Can I try it while you're at school?"
"Sure, mom! Let me create an account for you."
----the next day, after school.
"So, mom, how was Bridge?"
"It was a lot of fun! Except, they didn't seem to recognize whe I opened a preferential minor as well as they do at the club".
"Ah, I was wondering why the computer's faceplate had been kicked in!"

(oh well)

[EricK]

A husband invites three friends round to play bridge. Throughout the evening he keeps pestering his wife: "Honey, could you bring us some drinks?"; "Some sandwiches would be nice, Dear"; "Have we any cake?" etc, etc. After his friends have gone home he find his wife in the kitchen doing the washing up. "You look busy, Dear." he says "Can I give you a hand?". "That would be great" she says. "OK. You've got 5 spades to the Ace, KQJ and another heart and 4 small clubs..."

[Aberlour10]

If you observe 3 polish students talking together at the university campus, they are probably going to start some kind of revolution.
If there are 4 of them, you can be sure a rubber bridge session will start soon

Robert