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When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up - he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
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chuck norris jokes
#1
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Posted 2006-June-23, 13:39
"Paul Krugman is a stupid person's idea of what a smart person sounds like." Newt Gingrich (paraphrased)
#2
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Posted 2006-June-23, 14:08
Just a question: Who is Chuck Norris? And why is this funny? (probably interrelated questions)
#3
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Posted 2006-June-23, 14:23
Gerben42, on Jun 23 2006, 11:08 PM, said:
Just a question: Who is Chuck Norris? And why is this funny? (probably interrelated questions)
Chuck Norris was a movie and TV star in the US 20 odd years ago
He is (probably) best known for the TV series "Walker, Texas Ranger"
Approximately 6 monthes ago or so, I started seeing lots of idiots suddenly spewing Chuck Norris jokes. I have no idea regarding the root of the phenomena. I very much hope that it (quickly) goes the way of pet rocks and the Backstreet Boys...
Alderaan delenda est
#4
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Posted 2006-June-23, 17:51
hrothgar, on Jun 23 2006, 03:23 PM, said:
Approximately 6 monthes ago or so, I started seeing lots of idiots suddenly spewing Chuck Norris jokes.
sigh ... why don't you give a list of subjects suitable for jokes? that way the idiots of the world won't risk incurring your ire
"Paul Krugman is a stupid person's idea of what a smart person sounds like." Newt Gingrich (paraphrased)
#5
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Posted 2006-June-24, 05:36
chuck norris can do arithmetical division with zero
Kom kit´cha vangar´th, kin patakh´ch vananch, pargh?
If it´s not important to win, tell me, why do they keep records?
(Barcht, Captain of Nir`ch Tyse´th, Klingon Warship)
www.bridgeball.de
If it´s not important to win, tell me, why do they keep records?
(Barcht, Captain of Nir`ch Tyse´th, Klingon Warship)
www.bridgeball.de
#6
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Posted 2006-June-24, 15:06
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
"Paul Krugman is a stupid person's idea of what a smart person sounds like." Newt Gingrich (paraphrased)
#7
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Posted 2006-June-24, 19:58
These are on Chuck Norris Facts.
I love them. I've seen a clip from a US TV show were Chuck himself read out his favourites :-).
--Sigi
I love them. I've seen a clip from a US TV show were Chuck himself read out his favourites :-).
--Sigi
#8
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Posted 2006-June-26, 15:28
Sorry a bridge one, couldn't resist: Chuck Norris can make 7NT with a deuce high hand.
#9
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Posted 2006-June-29, 10:11
Sorry to spoil all the fun again but: Now that I know who Chuck Norris is (I even know Walker, Texas Ranger), what is the point of the jokes? I really don't get it.
#10
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Posted 2006-June-29, 12:15
They're funny, especially the 7NT one.
But Jack Bauer is better. Jack Bauer can trump Chuck Norris's 7NT with a 2♣ =P
But Jack Bauer is better. Jack Bauer can trump Chuck Norris's 7NT with a 2♣ =P
"More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits."
John Nelson.
John Nelson.
#11
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Posted 2006-June-29, 12:45
Replace the CN with any name for someone who is larger than life (in reality or in his own mind). The jokes made me laugh out loud. Keep 'em comin"......they're GGGGRRRREEEEAAAATTTT!!!!
The Grand Design, reflected in the face of Chaos...it's a fluke!
#12
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Posted 2006-June-29, 12:53
Iraq did have WMD until Chuck Norris left Baghdad.
The Grand Design, reflected in the face of Chaos...it's a fluke!
#13
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Posted 2006-June-29, 12:56
Rain, on Jun 29 2006, 01:15 PM, said:
They're funny, especially the 7NT one.
But Jack Bauer is better. Jack Bauer can trump Chuck Norris's 7NT with a 2♣ =P
But Jack Bauer is better. Jack Bauer can trump Chuck Norris's 7NT with a 2♣ =P
Jack would only be good at bridge before bidding boxes came into use.....Chuck prefers bidding boxing.....
The Grand Design, reflected in the face of Chaos...it's a fluke!
#14
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Posted 2006-June-29, 13:14
Chuck Norris is why Kilroy is no longer here.
Chuck Norris makes infinity look finite.
Chuck Norris play Precision because it's a "forcing club".
Chuck Norris makes infinity look finite.
Chuck Norris play Precision because it's a "forcing club".
"Champions aren't made in gyms, champions are made from something they have deep inside them - a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill. " - M. Ali
#15
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Posted 2006-July-01, 10:37
Chuck Norris can make pigs fly.
Graffiti on the wall:
{
God is Dead
- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
- God.
I killed em both.
- Chuck Norris
}
You know the Big Bang that started the Universe? That was Chuck Norris killing God.
Graffiti on the wall:
{
God is Dead
- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
- God.
I killed em both.
- Chuck Norris
}
You know the Big Bang that started the Universe? That was Chuck Norris killing God.
#16
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Posted 2006-July-01, 13:45
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
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